All is quiet about the house,
There's not a sound to be had.
Just a toddler stood in the corner,
Face scrunched like... he's kind of mad?
And then you see his grim look drop
Replaced by a cheeky grin.
That's the moment you smell it,
Like something evil was let in!
You chase him 'round the livingroom
As he throws himself onto the floor -
Bum first with a terrible squelch;
And NOW you know what you're in for.
You lay him down with some distractions,
"Sod it, Cocomelon should do"
And as you try to peel his trousers off
They're stuck on by number 2.
Its bloody exploded everywhere,
So much from a small crack!
Did it explode vertically?
How the hell is it up his back?
Reach for the pack of wet wipes
(Should have had them at the ready).
Trying to grip both ankles at once
Holding his poo soaked backside steady.
You tentatively peel his clothes off
Trying to wipe up as you go.
For God's sake, now it's on the couch!
(I should have done this on the floor)
You might as well throw the couch away;
The cushions will never be the same.
You'll just have to tell any visitors
It's actually a chocolate stain!
Half a pack of wet wipes later
You finally clear the mess.
So pleased is your cheeky toddler,
Running around while still undressed.
You gather all the soiled stuff
Trying not to get any more on you.
He pauses while still undressed;
"That better not be more poo!"
False alarm, get a nappy on quick
So you don't have to clean the rug.
Fight with him to get him dressed
(While he tries to kick you in the mug).
Finally everything is cleaned up
And we can go on about our day.
That is, until a few hours later,
When that familiar smell drifts your way...